Thursday, January 2

2014: Walking Forth in Freedom.

I keep going back and forth as to whether or not I should share as to why I have been rather silent on this blog for the last 10 months. I don't want to sugar coat it. I don't want to but a smile on and pretend that everything was just roses.

It was a dark time in my mind, heart, and life. And let me just say this, those closest to me didn't even know the half of it. My mind was a battlefield of terrible anxieties vying for my every attention. I have always been one to admit that I have had problems with fear, worry, and anxiety. Crippling at times. When I am not in times of worry, I often identify it as my thorn in my flesh. And that is just what it is.

To be specific, my worry and anxiety tend to lean more on the side of hypochondria. In the past, I made every effort to eliminate triggers that would cause me to begin to panic and worry. Triggers such as not getting on WebMD and not watching medical dramas. But you can only curb the triggers not completely eliminate triggers because sickness and health issues are everywhere.

Two of my biggest/longest episodes of anxiety/hypochondria have began when people very close to me have been diagnosed with different aliments. So at a time when I could be praying for that person and ministering to them, I am fully engrossed in whether or not I have that aliment or any other sickness under the sun. How selfish. How like the enemy to attack when we are at our most vulnerable.

And just as I type those words above, I cringe because I am letting you into my ugly. As I step out of of these times of anxiety, I thank the Lord for those times and I will share more about that later.

With all of that said, the last 10+ months I have been in one of those fear and anxiety ridden episodes. I had days in which I was able to put worries on the back burner and enjoy life. Then I had days in which it took every ounce in me not to panic. Panic attacks happened and many tears when cried. It started when a very real health scare happened to me. Those closest to me tried their hardest to reassure me, but I would not have anything of it. I just sat in my fear.

That fear caused me to not want to write, not want to create, not want to connect with others, etc.

Multiple doctors appointments where made (over the course of the last 10 months) and worried about all the way up until the doctor assured me everything was ok in October.

But as I was walking through those anxiety ridden weeks and months, I was being refined. The Lord was working. The Lord was using those days to draw me even closer to him. My prayer was for freedom from the fear and worry. I wanted (and still do) to so desperately to be as the women described in proverbs "who laughs at the future."

I want to be a wife and mother that is ever present and is not shackled by her fears.

That is still my prayer because it is a process. But I believe I am on the other side now.

Now, I am praising the Lord that everything is ok. And I am praising him for those months of refinement.

Here's to 2014: a year of breaking free of the fear and worry.

More to come.

Wednesday, March 6

an influential women link-up

well, it definitely has been a while since i blogged last...but a lot of things have been going on over here. some great things and some not so great things and because of all those things... blogging has fallen to wayside. i really do miss it and hope to get back to it more regularly in the near future, but for now i wanted to check in to link up with some pretty awesome ladies who are all part of the influence network!

the influence network has already been a huge blessing to me. the 2012 conference. the forums. the classes. and the general crazy awesomeness of the women who are a part of this online community!

one of my current favorite pictures of my little family of three. i just love great big grin on my sweet baby boy!

three quick ((most definitely random)) things about me...

+ on career day in middle school, i dressed up like a "fashionable/cool" mom. hahaha
+ i am a self-proclaimed foodie. love trying new restaurants, recipes, and dishes. 
+ i have tiny ears. my husband claims that our 1 year old has bigger ears then me.

it took me too long to come up with these three things...i blame it on not getting enough sleep last night. 

one thing i've gained through being a part of the influence network:

i am not alone. what an encouragement it is for me to log into the forums and take part in the monthly classes with women who are in all different seasons of life yet are knit together by one common thread of the gospel of Jesus Christ. what a sigh of relief my soul takes when find out i am not alone whether it is in the triumphs, failures, heartaches, prayers, hopes, and dreams of everyday life. **does that make sense. 

Saturday, December 29

a glimpse into our christmas

christmas eve was spent:

+baking christmas goodies (this year i made oatmeal crispies & pistachio craisin cookies).
+dressing up baby boy in his cardigan and bow tie.
+traveling to nana & paw paw's.
+eating lots and lots of yummy food.
+opening presents.
+traveling to mimi's for our traditional Christmas eve german meal and dessert.
+listening to mimi share stories of her childhood.
+wearing new christmas pjs from my mom.
+reading luke 2 as a family before bed.

christmas day was spent:

+waking up with family.
+opening presents.
+watching baby boy enjoy his new presents.
+eating orange rolls.
+traveling to my in-laws for our annual christmas day brunch.
+opening more presents. (seriously blessed).
+traveling back to my thankful our families live so close to each other.
+playing just dance on the ps3 move with my siblings and cousins.
+saying "look at our cute baby" continuously.
+singing karaoke with the whole family.
+munching on christmas h'ordeuvres all day.
+sitting down for supper at a table of 16 loved ones and friends.
+savoring each bite of my mom's chocolate banana coconut creme pie.
+watching a movie with the family at the end of a wonderful christmas day.